Saturday, February 20, 2016

Day 49: It was easy to kill her

“It’s a huge problem,” says Dr. Doron Almagor, chair of the Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance (CADDRA). “Girls with ADHD are often missed and misdiagnosed right up to adulthood.” According to Canada’s Centre for ADHD Awareness (CADDAC), the disorder affects one in 20 children in Canada. But boys are more than twice as likely as girls to be diagnosed. “What tells us that we’re missing diagnoses in many of the girls is by the time you get to adulthood, it’s more equal [between men and women],” says Heidi Bernhardt, president of CADDAC. “We know that ADHD doesn’t just come about later in life. It’s always there.”"

"98: The percentage of financial abuse that occurs in all domestic violence cases. The number one reason domestic violence survivors stay or return to the abusive relationship is because the abuser controls their money supply, leaving them with no financial resources to break free."

"25: The percentage of physical assaults perpetrated against women that are reported to the police annually." 

"40-45: The percentage of women in physically abusive relationships who are raped and/or assaulted during the relationship." 

"8,000,000: The number of days of paid work women lose every year because of the abuse perpetrated against them by current or former male partners. This loss is equivalent to over 32,000 full-time jobs."

"1 in 4: The number of women who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes." 

"18,000: The number of women who have been killed by men in domestic violence disputes since 2003." 

"1,509: The number of women murdered by men they knew in 2011. Of the 1,509 women, 926 were killed by an intimate parter and 264 of those were killed by an intimate partner during an argument."

"4,774,000: The number of women in the U.S. who experience physical violence by an intimate partner every year."

"38,028,000: The number of women who have experienced physical intimate partner violence in their lifetimes." 

"3: The number of women murdered every day by a current or former male partner in the U.S."

"Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85 percent of domestic abuse victims being women and 15 percent men. Too many women have been held captive by domestic violence -- whether through physical abuse, financial abuse, emotional abuse or a combination of all three.
We are inundated with news stories about domestic violence , from athletes beating their significant others in public elevators or in their own homes to celebrities publicly abusing their girlfriends. This problem is not one that will go away quickly or quietly." 

"The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that time was 11,766. That's nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war."

"As my colleague Ben Mathis-Lilley noted today at Slatest, there were 14 other gun-based murder-suicides in the past week in this country, resulting in the loss of 36 lives. If you look down the list of the killings, an unmistakable pattern pops out: “shot and killed his 37-year-old wife ... shot and killed his ex-wife ... shot and killed his 62-year-old wife ... shot and killed his 23-year-old girlfriend ... ” and so on. Most of these killings involve men killing women that they were in relationships with, had lost relationships with, or likely wanted relationships with but were rejected. This last week also featured a bizarre story of a woman who not only survived being kidnapped and raped by a man but also saw her boyfriend and a random other man killed in the rapist-murderer's rampage."

"When news emerged that a middle-aged white man in Lafayette, Louisiana, opened fire at a showing of the Amy Schumer vehicle Trainwreck, I immediately had this sinking feeling that the movie choice wasn't a coincidence—that this was, like the Elliot Rodger and George Sodini killings, an act of rage at women. While Trainwreck is a fluffy rom-com, it's also a popular topic of chatter in the feminist-sphere and therefore likely to be noticed by the seething misogynists who monitor the online activities of feminists with unsettling obsessiveness.
That fear is now moving from the uneasy-feeling column to the likely possibility column, with Dave Weigel of the Washington Post reporting that alleged shooter John Russell Houser was a rabid right-winger—he even went to one of those unranked conservative Christian law schools—who had particularly strong anger toward women for their growing independence and rights. Former talk show host Calvin Floyd had Houser on as a frequent guest, knowing that his off-the-wall opinions would generate audience interest: “The best I can recall, Rusty had an issue with feminine rights,” Floyd said. “He was opposed to women having a say in anything.” Houser also had a history of domestic violence."

Men pretend to be uber to try to get women into their vehicle.

Baby's hand on fingers. Text: "New dad? There are many ways a mother can be involved in her child's life. It's your job to encourage her to play a full and active part."

A man makes a joke about a woman being "wet' when she's stuck in an elevator with him. 

Medical professionals say having a women's symposium is reverse sexism.

"The study's authors showed women films with varying portrayals of the common "love conquers all" narrative, all of which featured a male character who never gave up until the female character gave in. Some of the films were more lighthearted, like There's Something About Mary, and cast this behavior in a charming or funny light; others, like Sleeping With The Enemy, in which Julia Roberts's character is stalked by her ex-husband, depicted similar actions as far more menacing. Sadly, the researchers found that women who watched the romantic comedies were far more likely to accept this kind of aggressive behavior as normal." 

"When women are shot in the chest outside bars or have their necks slashed by men they don't know — men who just wanted to tell them they looked nice or buy them a drink or take them out sometime — the media does occasionally takes notice, which opens up a dialogue about the misogynist motivation for these crimes. "

A man approached a woman. She rejected him outside of a bar. He punched her in the face repeatedly. 

A woman ignores the advances of a man at the bar. When she leaves the bar, he shoots her fatally.

A woman and her sister were out walking her cat. A group of men began harassing them. When they rejected the men, she got pushed over and lost consciousness. She woke up in the hospital with a broken nose, chipped teeth, and bruises covering her face. 

A man hit four Asian women with various objects, all in the face, sending them to the hospital. He committed suicide, leaving a note saying he was rejected by 1500 Asian women.

Andrea Farrington turned down Alexander Kozak who was a security guard at the mall where she worked. He left notes on her car expressing the way he felt. Kozak shot her three times in the back while she was at work.

A woman was walking home when a car pulled up. The man inside started catcalling her. When she didn't respond, he got out and punched her. He broke her jaw. 

When Lakeeya Walker was eight weeks pregnant, a male stranger held a door open for her. When she didn't thank him, he threw hot coffee in her face, punched her repeatedly in the stomach, throtled her neck, telling her to suck his dick.

A woman is approached by a man. He asks her out. She says no. He punches her. Twice.

Adrian Loya shot and killed a woman, Lisa Trubnikova and her girlfriend, Anna, after planting bombs around her house, because she rejected him.

"In fact, in the first two months of 2016 alone, Nosal and another woman, Janese Talton-Jackson, were murdered in the United States by men whose advances they declined. Both victims are part of a longer list of women — 14, to be exact — who were attacked by men they turned down in the U.S. in the past year. "

"It was "easy" for Christopher O'Kroley to kill Caroline Nosal, his coworker at a Madison, Wisconsin, grocery store and the object of his unrequited affection. He said so himself earlier this month, when he was arrested for fatally shooting Nosal because she rejected his romantic advances. He reportedly "wanted more" from their relationship and she turned him down.
So he killed her." 

"Former ‘That’s So Raven’ star Orlando Brown was arrested last month after he allegedly hit his girlfriend in a police station parking lot." 

"Over the past 20 years, the internet has changed the age-old profession of sex work in major ways. Sex workers labor in an intensely hostile cultural climate. Due to the illegal nature of their jobs, they are vulnerable to rape, murder, theft, and police violence. In recent years, sex workers have used the internet to make their jobs safer: They use websites to screen clients and have private forums to provide support and knowledge to each other. Like any other entrepreneur or small business owner, those providing sexual services use industry-specific websites to advertise and promote their services.
In the interest of ending human trafficking, anti-trafficking charities and federal law enforcement have steadily boosted security measures on sex workers’ websites, with expansive investigations often culminating in the closure of such sites and strings of prostitution-related arrests. Human trafficking and sexual slavery are, of course, absolutely heinous crimes. Ending trafficking and raising awareness about the violence that creates trafficking is crucial. However, the sweeping raids of sex work websites have threatened the well-being of many who consensually sell sexual services"

"Just go ahead and feed the baby but keep your shirt on!"

One person posts: "There's a difference between "oh she has nice legs" and "I'm gonna fuck 5 boys in one night" 

"Women are not sexualized in the mainstream." 

"When I became an actress, I realized that 'the world' liked their Latinas to look Italian and not like me." Gina Torres

"At first, there was knocking, sweet words, promises that it would fun, and didn’t I like fun? But then there was anger that bled into the tone of their voices and punctuated the sound of fists against the metal door. And the threats, the least of them promising multiple rounds of the earlier proffered ‘fun’." 

"Gang rape. That’s what you call that, right? When a group of people plot to kidnap you to sexually assault you without your permission, right? Gang rape.
I rolled that thorny mess inside my mental mouth, and the tears came. At first silently, as my friend wrapped her arms around, but then hysterically, as my imagination went into overdrive and replayed every rape scene I’d ever seen in a movie, on television."

"I have a friend who once joked that it was all right for him to catcall women because he’s good looking. I had another ask me in faux-outrage why it was okay for me to describe a cupcake as a “seven” but not okay for him to rank women the same way. I was recently at a house party where a group of guys referred to a soundproofed recording studio in the basement as “the rape room”, like forty-five times. " 

"I got a promotion a few days ago, so I decided to stop for a drink on my way home- just me and my sense of accomplishment. I ended up alone in bar, running defense against a bouncer who held my ID hostage while he commented on my ass (among other things), and asked me vaguely threatening questions about my sex life."

Woman holding a sign that says "It's my body and I'll do what I want."

"Slut shaming is the latest form of cyberbullying. Like all bullying, it is motivated by the perpetrator's desire for attention. Social media makes it easy and tempts cyberbullies because they can do it with little risk to themselves. However, because bullying is so emotionally damaging, it is important to fight this dangerous trend." 

On a magazine that shows the assault of a white woman by non-white men in regards to immigrants and Europe. "The cover appears on the February issue of the right-wing magazine, wSieci, or "Network," along with the headline, "Islamic Rape on Europe." The title, not to mention the image, encapsulates both literal and figurative fears mostly held in conservative circles in Europe — often rife with racist overtones — about the physical and economic threats posed by immigrants."

"A Polish magazine is under fire after it ran a cover depicting dark-skinned refugees assaulting a blonde woman wrapped in the European Union flag."‪#‎yourdailysexism‬

"Feminism is hard. Being a feminist isn't as simple as putting up your hand and saying that you think women are humans too- though that's a start. Feminism is not a mere political orientation; it's a process- a long, difficult, exhausting, and often disheartening process of unlearning every problematic 'truth' one has internalised over their life, about sex, gender and race. It involves a lot of self-education and self-reflection, which requires initiative, and a very thick skin.
A person who identifies as feminist never does so because they've been taught that it's a swell thing to be, but rather the opposite- they are feminist despite society's efforts to demonise it. You don't declare yourself a feminist expecting a pat on the back; you do it knowing there'll be backlash, knowing that your friend will roll her eyes every time you exhibit even a trace of it, knowing you'll make yourself a leper in the eyes of your cute-as-hell date, that as soon as you say the word he'll cringe away like it comes with a side of herpes and a sixth toe.
We all exist in the thick of it; of rape culture, of slut shaming, of glass ceilings, body shaming and the normalisation of humiliation porn- and it takes a certain kind of person, a certain analytical mind, a certain amount of open-mindedness and courage, to question a culture from within it. It's incredibly hard to question what you know to be true. To locate and then pick away at your own internalised misogyny, and to try to break down how it came to form such a fundamental part of your understanding of gendered identities. To sit there and think, 'So why do I think that wearing a short skirt legitimates rape? Why do I think women's hormones make them inferior professionals? Why do I think that women are bad at math? That sex is something masculine; what men enjoy and women endure? Who told me that? And most importantly, why?'"

"'Honey,' she said, her voice broken with concern. 'I want you to stop being a feminist. I love you too much to see you turn into a terrorist'. As she went on about her concerns, I quietly amused myself with the thought of coming home to a room full of concerned faces and a big banner reading: INTERVENTION. Muffled sniffles of my loved ones. 'We fear it's gone too far,' someone would say. 'You need to stop being so conscientious of the social inequalities and hierarchies of power that plague this world. Before it's too late.'"

"The encounter ended with Snow being pursued by the furious man as she retreated to her car, and as he punched and kicked at her, she sprayed him with pepper spray her sister had given her. Snow claims that the man she confronted had not only made threats to her, but also sent nude photos from her website to her family members, and sent threatening messages to her sister with enough personal information to indicate he knew where Snow lives."

"Recently, Snow posted on Facebook that she was clearing out her friends list because it had grown to 5,000 people and was unmanageable. One individual decided to take that moment to deride Snow for being a "slut", going so far as to make physical threats against her. She finally had enough."

"I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have been touched by men when I didn't want to be, and I'm sure that's true for a lot of women. Just because I do an educational podcast on sex and post a photo of myself topless doesn't mean I'm inviting everyone to touch me, grab me, or to send me naked photos of themselves."

"The video on YouTube shows a first person perspective as a person enters a Starbucks, and then confronts a man sitting at a table. The woman filming asks him to explain why he'd threatened her online and called her a slut and a whore. A drink is thrown, and shaky footage rolls as she leaves the shop in a hurry with the enraged man in pursuit." 

"My stalker did the same thing. He also said that he wouldn’t stop until I killed myself. He stopped when he became fixated on someone else."

"Desiree: I’ve updated some of the information on your site. Let me know if anything is inaccurate. Namely on the home page and on the News page. I was sure to include your new address, a picture of your presumed boyfriend, and a picture of your new home. I still need to confirm your employment - once I do then I’ll update that information too. It’s good that you’re living in such a small community now. Much less anonymity. You’re reputation will undoubtedly spread quickly." A man sends his ex about the website he's made to destroy her life.

"As the news outlet notes, on the website he’s posted an exchange between him and his son, in which he tells the now-teenager that he would have “no qualms” about killing the boy’s mother. He told CBC that by that, he means he’d have “no moral dilemma” in killing Capuano, but doesn’t actually want to kill her: “There is nothing illegal about wanting to harm someone as long as you don’t act on it.”" 

"Fox’s ex, Desiree Capuano, lives in Arizona; she told CBC that she’s been unable to get either Canadian authorities or the FBI to help her, and can’t afford the legal fees to fight Fox in civil court. She said, too, that her ex’s “sick fixation” on her is terrifying, and that he once told her his “ultimate goal” is to goad her into committing suicide."

"A British Columbia man named Patrick Fox has created a website whose sole intent, he says, is harassing and defaming his ex-wife, posting photos of her and her home and alleging that she’s a stripper and a white supremacist. He told a news outlet he’ll only stop when she’s either dead or “destitute and homeless.” Police are apparently uninterested in pressing criminal harassment charges against him."

"The problem of the “peripheral” woman—that one female character that has huge potential, but is somehow forgotten and underutilized in a story—is something I see a lot these days. The Flash comes to mind when I think of this problem. Iris West and Caitlin Snow could be such rich and nuanced characters, but are instead utilized like some sort of set prop from which their male counterparts can launch. " 

"I grew up watching television in the 80s, an era that portrayed women on the big screen as damsels in distress, sexy vamps, or alpha bitches that needed a good screw to chill them out. Women weren’t showcased for their brains, but were glorified for their bodies or their ability to elevate their male counterparts to stardom. Of course there were exceptions, like Ripley from Alien. Yet, there just weren’t many shows or films that showed women as astrophysicists, super heroes, or warriors."

"Doctors decided they would delay until the woman showed signs of sepsis – a life-threatening response to an advanced infection – or the fetal heart stopped on its own.
In the end, it was sepsis. When the woman delivered, at 1.41am, doctors had been watching her temperature climb for more than eight hours. Her infant lived for 65 minutes."

"One of the women described in the complaint was given Tylenol for a potentially deadly infection and sent home – twice – where she miscarried by herself on the toilet. Another woman, the report says, spent three days in the hospital and eventually required additional surgery." 

"A former Michigan state employee specializing in reducing infant mortality rates told the Guardian that a Catholic hospital’s ban on performing abortions led doctors there to force pregnant women to go through life-threatening miscarriages. She alleges that the doctors were observing a ban on inducing delivery, even when it was medically necessary."

"Giving birth to a baby maybe the biggest miracles of life but going through is not an easy thing. Especially, in some of these government hospital facilities where things like “Why don’t you open your legs now, you weren’t so shy when you got pregnant.” are said in an obstetric ward to demean the patient and shut her screams and wails of labour pain."

"In general I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. And, this didn't just start in the last three months. It has always been the case that I was more likely to be asked "So, when are you getting engaged" or "How's everything going with Craig" than "How's your job going?" or "What have you been working on lately?"
I can't blame anyone for being more curious about my relationship status than my career, as I too have been guilty of doing the same with other woman. After all, we are all taught through expertly crafted commercials and advertisements that it is of utmost importance for a woman to get a ring put on her finger."

"My frustration is this: It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least."


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