Friday, February 12, 2016

Day 41: Stuck up bitch

Man says: "I agree that rape is only the fault of the rapist, but you should still dress conservatively and be safe."

"According to a CNN report, the unnamed victim told police that Ballinger brought her to his room, locked the door, and attempted to have forcible intercourse with her. He is also accused of forcing her to perform oral sex, and of sexually abusing her with his hands."

"Wolfgang Ballinger, the president of Psi Upsilon at Cornell University, has been banned from campus after being charged with three felonies in connection with an alleged sexual assault.
Ballinger, 21, whose father owns NYC music venue Webster Hall, was released from custody on Tuesday after pleading not guilty to first-degree attempted rape, first-degree criminal sexual assault, and first-degree sex abuse."

"The Yazidi women – who call themselves the 'Force of the Sun Ladies' – have taken up arms in the quest for revenge but also to preserve the future of their race.
They are among around 2,000 captives who have escaped their terrorist tormentors who subjected them to horrific torture and rape and massacred thousands of their loved ones after storming their villages in the summer of 2014.
Now, driven by a collective desire for vengeance, the battalion is preparing for an offensive on the ISIS stronghold of Mosul where many were exchanged by militants to serve as their sex slaves." 

"Writing on Black Girl Nerds Chaka says that she hopes, after its initial success in 2015, that 2016's version “will be a rallying call to arms for a group of people who are consistently subjected to derogatory comments and outright racism in response to doing little more than proudly displaying their love for this hobby.”
“When we call out racism in this subculture, we are often ridiculed, silenced and told to make a space of our own if we want to see our faces. Challenge accepted. This is how we’ll represent ourselves. This is how we’ll uplift each other. This is how we will make this hobby open, inclusive and welcoming to everyone.”"

Two friends publicly talk about their rapes on Facebook, one dealing with resurfacing memories and the other with receiving validation on the rape.

"While the problem of cosplayers being treated as meat is a widespread and well-publicised one, it’s not the only obstacle those in the scene face from jerks and bigots. From cosplay’s earliest days, black fans have faced constant struggles on multiple fronts, both as cosplayers and as people."

"After the 2011 census revealed how severely skewed India's sex ratio had become due to the country's strong preference for male offspring, Dr. Ganesh Rakh decided to start his own "crusade" to save India's girls -- he waives all fees and holds a celebration for the family each time a baby girl is born at his hospital. “[S]ince a son's birth was celebrated by the family, we decided we [at the hospital] would celebrate a daughter's birth,” he explains. Since he started the Mulgi Vachva Abhiyan -- or the "campaign to save the girl child" -- 464 girls have been born at the hospital and Dr. Rakh is now being hailed as a hero for his efforts to help people appreciate the value of girls."

A woman wiping a counter, not wearing a bra, so her breasts swing back and forth in the GIF. 

Female British airway crew win the right to wear trousers to work.

"I recently had an unpleasant surprise when a friend asked me, "How was it hooking up with ___________?"
Feeling the familiar gut punch at the name and fighting flashbacks to the worst night of my life, I replied, "Well, he raped me. So not great."
My friend was deeply apologetic for having brought it up.

They also were confused, because my rapist boasted and laughed about our encounter with friends, painting it as a fun, consensual hookup. Meanwhile, I was wrought with devastation.
There was an obvious difference in the way my rapist and I had interpreted the incident, and his response gave little indication of any remorse for the irreparable damage done that night.
A disturbing thought formed: What if he doesn't know what he's done?
Is it possible that my rapist doesn't know he's a rapist?"

Picture of Steve Carrell from the Office. Text reads: "When I meet my best friend's new boyfriend. 'If you break that girl's heart I will kill you and your entire family.'

Chinese men are buying silicon life-like sex dolls to stop themselves from cheating. These dolls come in all ages (including children).

Woman's face with a hand over her mouth. Text: "More people are concerned with why women stay in abusive relationships than why men are abusing women."

Art piece of a girl with cat ears and a cat tail. She's crouched on the ground, giving a good view of her cleavage, with her ass thrust into the air a la spiderwoman, her spine at an impossible angle and incredibly long with her legs at bizarre angles. The comments on the picture: "ooooooh that's hot." "now we r talking"

"She will hear the word 'girl' used as an insult which basically encapsulates all the other things she will hear that teach her self loathing and body hate. When it comes to encouraging our daughters to love themselves, we clearly more than have our work cut out for us."

"She Will Be Discouraged From Sports because boys don't like it when girls are competitive. Because when you're athletic, you get too muscular. Because why bother, it's not like girls can really go professional. Nevermind that she's passionate about soccer or that running is good for her physical and mental well-being."

"Since her beauty standards are usually dictated by what men find attractive (or perhaps by what other women think men find attractive), she will be told that she must look to male approval of her body to ensure that it is acceptable."

"She will be told that nice girls wait. That she doesn't want people to think she's slutty. The sex education she receives at school may be abstinence only, and her body will be likened to a chewed up piece of gum once she has sex. Fun!"

"She will be warned not to dress a particular way, or that she should avoid certain neighborhoods, or not be out late at night. She will be told that she needs to think about "the message" she is sending when she chooses an outfit. She will be told that boys will be boys, the implication obviously being that men will inevitably attempt to have sex with her at all times, no matter what, and that "instinct" can't be helped nor changed, so it then falls to her, as a woman, to choose how she acts, dresses, and where she goes and when and with whom, in a never-ending attempt to protect herself from that which we're told men "can't help" (and thus, are not expected to change). Dear. god." 

""Flatter your figure" she'll hear. Rather than dress in a way that brings her joy, she will be told to dress in a way that helps her body most conform to the aforementioned narrow standard of beauty."

"She may find that make-up is a form of self expression that she enjoys and has fun with and that's great. But she will also be told that make-up and a slew of other "beautifying" products aren't for fun, but rather, are essential "must-haves" in every woman's toolkit. She will be encouraged or even pressured not to leave the house without make-up on (to the point of apologizing for it; "Excuse the lack of make-up; I was in a rush."), pitched thousands of products through the media she consumes." 

"School and work dress codes will unfairly target her, claiming she is distracting boys from their school work. She will be sent home to change, taking her away from her school work completely."

"Female nudity will be relegated to sexualized images usually intended for male audiences. Female nudity, even toplessness, will likely remain in the category of "indecent." So she will receive the message that her naked body is for the sexual gratification and consumption of others, and that if it doesn't look a particular way it has less worth."

"80% of American girls will have been on a diet by age 10. 75% of American women endorse unhealthy thoughts or behaviors regarding food and their bodies. She will be told there are virtuous foods — "Oh, I'll be good and get the low-fat dressing!" — and foods that reflect poorly on her: "Scratch that, I'll get the ranch. I'm so bad!""

Your daughter will be catcalled. 

"Potentially well-meaning people will notice this narrow definition of beauty and respond to it by insulting and demeaning the women fortunate enough to fit into that definition. Things like "real women have curves" and "blondes are dumb" and "no one wants to cuddle a stick!" will be proclaimed on Facebook memes and t-shirts, but it leaves us with the problem that we are still vilifying women's bodies, just different women." 

Your daughter will learn to be this: "Thin. Fair-skinned (usually white). Often blonde. Proportionally large breasts. Full lips. She will see this a lot. She will see this so much, in fact, that she will very quickly realize that this is the societal ideal."

"There are so many ignominious firsts when it comes to moments that influenced the way I felt about my own body. The first time I noticed all heroines in my favorite cartoons were blonde: age three. The first time someone called me ugly (5). The first time someone called me fat as an insult: age seven. The first time someone questioned whether or not I should "really be eating ice cream": age 10. The first time I was catcalled: age 11. The first time I was groped in public: age 18. The first time I was chased for a city block as I was called a "stuck up bitch" after I didn't give a guy I'd passed in the cross-walk my phone number: age 24."

Article on how society will teach girls to hate themselves. "Remember when you were a kid and the only thoughts you had about your body (if you thought about your body as an entity separate from the "you" at all) were how high you could jump, or how nice your pajamas felt against your skin? Unashamed. Unembarrassed. Uninhibited. Free. Happy. Or maybe you can't remember a time like this because you were so young when you were taught to hate your body. This is particularly likely if you are a woman or a girl. "

"A majority of trans women have been raped and/or sexually abused, and anti-trans violence gets overwhelmingly committed by men who sleep with us. (Throw in race and occupation to the mix, and you’ll find that not only are most anti-LGBT hate murder victims trans women, but a large majority of those women are Black and/or Latina, with a substantial number of sex workers in the mix. When bigotry kills LGBT people, that bigotry is usually racism plus sexism plus transphobia.)"

"Patriarchy tries to reduce trans women’s entire existence to sex. Supposedly, we only transition to satisfy a sexual fetish; supposedly, the only people who sleep with us have a fetish of their own. We go into sex work much more frequently than cis women because hiring discrimination is so rampant. Mainstream cultural depictions of trans women at work rarely include jobs other than sex work and hairdressing. (And remember, patriarchy believes that women groom and get haircuts solely to attract straight men.) Without letters of approval from self-appointed psychiatric “experts,” it’s extremely difficult to access trans-specific medical care (mostly hormone therapy and various surgeries). Those gatekeepers have traditionally denied that healthcare to trans women they deemed insufficiently feminine, attractive, or heterosexual."

"“Straight guys think lesbians are hot” is practically a proverb. Plus, the ubiquity of catcalling shows that no public space excludes what feminist theory calls the male gaze. When a woman goes down the sidewalk, puts on clothes in the morning, or wears makeup, her goal is rarely to give male strangers a moment of sexualized entertainment. However, when they catcall her, those men have just gotten their entertainment from the work she’s performed (even if existing in public is the only work she’s done)." 

"In heterosexual settings, women generally put much more effort into sexually satisfying their partners than their men reciprocate. We see this in everything from the deeply-gendered nature of sexy underwear (lingerie for women is an industry, lingerie for men is comedy fodder) to the juxtaposition of normalized fellatio and stigmatized cunnilingus. Rape is simply the extension of this one-sided approach to sexual pleasure past the line of consent. Obviously, male-centric but consensual straight sex qualitatively and morally differs from rape. Nevertheless, both exist within a gender system that makes the work of good sex something that women generally perform both for ourselves and for men, but that men usually perform quite a bit less."

"capitalist patriarchy runs on women’s unreciprocated social labor"

"I made a joke about how the temperature in the office was sexist once, and I got shamed so fucking hard." 

"Ladies, it’s time to lean the fuck in for some important business news. According to a new study Peterson Institute for International Economics and EY (formerly as Ernst & Young), corporations with women in leadership roles have a higher profit margin." Article on women in business leadership roles.

"Later, we admitted to each other that we'd never said those words out loud before. These men raped us, but even as we spoke our truths, we wanted to push them back in, to quantify what happened to us in a thousand different ways. But with solidarity came acceptance. Then we said it one more time, just to be sure: “He raped me.”"

"“I think,” she confided in me, “I think I’ve been raped at least twice by different men that I’ve dated.” I told my friend that I was pretty sure I had been, too."

Did you say ‘no’? Men and women alike want to know. If not, "no," then "stop"? Had you already consented? How forceful was he? How forceful were you? How loud did you say it? Did he think you were kidding? Did he mishear you? Did he hear you at all? Did he get distracted? Was he unable to stop himself? Did he apologize after? Did you sleep with him again? Is this something you’ve done before? Are you the kind of girl who sleeps with strangers? Are you manipulative? Are you misleading? Are you a tease? Are you a slut? 

"“Was it rape?” Girl after girl after girl asks in a million different ways. “Was it rape?” They ask strangers from across states, countries, and continents, hoping for confirmation from anonymous people who will never know their names."

"Here’s a recent search in my Google history: “Is it rape if you ask to stop in the middle of having sex?” Across Internet forums and message boards yesterday, today, in this very moment, girls are sending confused, desperate questions into the ether. “I didn't stop him,” one girl writes. “I just laid there silent until he stopped thrusting.”
“Is it rape?” Another asks, her written words urgent, awaiting someone, anyone, to validate her feelings about what has happened to her. "It started to hurt," she writes. "I told him to stop and he kept going.""

An article on how a woman didn't say no, but it was still rape.
"“It hurts,” I tell him.
“You want to stop?” He says without pausing. There's a slight annoyance in his voice when he continues, “I’m really close.”
I don’t remember the feel of this boy’s hands, I don’t remember his caresses or kisses, I don’t remember the words he said to me before we started having sex. I do remember his heaviness pressed against me, the way he pinned me down by the very act of what we we're doing; his erratic, persistent, insistent movements, his loud pleasure and my pain. I remember speaking this quiet, muffled answer: “Kind of.” But it’s unclear — I will remind myself later, for days, for weeks, for years — what exactly I have said "kind of," to. It’s too noncommittal and it’s too late.
“Just let me finish,” he says. “It won’t be much longer.” He hurries and then he comes. He's slumping on top of me and, though I'm not sure why, I’m starting to cry. When he sees me, he's angry. Why didn’t I tell him I was crying and why didn’t I say I wanted him to stop? He feels weird now; he feels guilty. I have ruined this for him. I am always ruining things for him."

Texas courts indicted anti-abortion extremist David Daleidan for filming videos of Planned Parenthood representatives, but the state still won’t stop investigating Planned Parenthood.

Samantha Bee premiered her talk show “Full Frontal” Monday night. It’s the only late-night show with a female host—a reminder of how sexism keeps so many funny women from getting hired for so long.

"The National Crime Agency, which "leads U.K. law enforcement's fight against serious and organized crime," released a report on Sunday called "Emerging new threat in online dating." Researchers found "a six-fold increase in reports of online-dating related rape offenses over a 5-year period," which includes the years 2009 to 2013. Upon closer look, it shows that reports of online dating-related rapes on first dates alone jumped from 33 in 2009 to 184 in 2014. Additionally, 85 percent of the victims were women and included people who used both paid and unpaid dating sites and apps."

"I am not what fills in a man's negative space."

Beige background, black text, black ink drawing of a woman. "Our generation has become so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren't created to do what men can do. Women were created to do what men can't do."

Article on single, happy women. "At the fault of no one, we tend to victimize or feel sorry for people who are single. Just a year ago, I myself remember sitting on the kitchen counter, with a kiwi colored face mask, mismatched pajamas (that were a conglomeration of memorabilia from ex-boyfriends), while eating Chex out of a mixing bowl at noon, and after catching my reflection in the window, I actually said out loud "no wonder I'm single". " 

"Other advocates who work with sexual assault survivors say the Ghomeshi trial has already cast a chill and discouraged some people from reporting sexual assaults to the police.
Lenore Lukasik-Foss heads the Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres and is director of the Sexual Assault Centre of Hamilton and Area. She has heard reactions to the trial from some of the people the centre helps.
"The things we're hearing so far are, 'Wow, I'm so glad I didn't report,' 'I don't know that I could ever report because of this. I don't want to be treated like this,'" Lukasik-Foss said" 

Article on the Ghomeshi case: "Blaming and shaming in high-profile case could stop some women from coming forward"

Ross Putman is tweeting the leads for female characters in actual scripts. "JANE pours her gorgeous figure into a tight dress, slips into her stiletto-heeled fuck-me shoes, and checks herself in the dresser mirror."

"Don't rush. I'm gonna nap. Because what else do you do when white men say the law is on their side more than yours."

Should I be surprised the man who told me sexism in gaming is because women don't play enough is the same man who's saying an abusive man has a right to play games despite being removed from TAG?

Why are the rights of harassers and abusers protected more than the rights of victims and survivors?

I was harassed by a man for over a year. He spread lies about me. He repeatedly threatened me with legal action. He threatened me physically. He bated me and gaslighted me.
Another organizer of TAG has deemed this man legally right to attend our events even though the leadership team removed this member, basically stating we need to prove in court that this previous member has broken tag mandate.
This organizer is a white man. Why should I be surprised that sexism continues to live on?


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