Day 26: Whiny Cunt

I'm catching up on posting daily sexism stuff. Today I listened to two women describing how Greg Elliott assaulted their mothers. I've heard a friend describe him stalking her. I hurt for these women. I hurt for the stalking that happened to me. I read an article on how recovering from her second rape was the hardest thing a woman did. The shame. She should have known better. I feel that. I hurt for who I've become. I hurt for the person I was. I hurt for my partner who's stood by me as I break down and try to pick myself up again, knowing there's nothing he can do. I hurt for how much I hate myself because of what's happened to me. And I hate my hate.

"I was in the company of doctors, lawyers, and other survivors. I hadn't realized that I was suffering from post-traumatic stress, or how common that was for survivors of sexual assault. I wasn't weak for not being able to deal with what had happened to me — in fact, I was incredibly normal."

"Oddly enough, the healing process was much easier for me after my second attack. I felt that I had faced my fear somehow — being raped again — and I had lived through it. I was still here. Since I didn't report either attack, I was aware that I was the only one suffering. I had survived physically, and now I needed to learn to survive emotionally."

"My rapist was an acquaintance who I had opened up to about my previous sexual assault. It might seem unbelievable, but as it turns out, women who have been raped previously are seven times more likely to be raped again. Sexual predators seek out the vulnerable, and I was definitely at rock bottom."

"So I tried to do just that, mainly by hurling myself into a downward spiral for the next two years. When drugs didn't help, I took another popular route of survivors and turned to self-harm. At this point, most of my friends were sick of dealing with my erratic behavior, so I could continue my path of destruction sans interference."

"Like many survivors, I chose to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs in order to mask what was really happening. Many of my friends knew of my attack, but they weren't professionals, and if anything, they were counting on me to have the answers. Often, it was the people closest to me who told me to "get over it.""

"For the most part, I behaved normally my last two weeks in the U.K., with the exception of missing my finals and crying after sex with the man I had been seeing before my attack."

"Be like Bill" and all its sexist messages.

"The Alaska Republican was one of only a few lawmakers in the Capitol building following the weekend blizzard, and it was her job to handle the formalities of delaying Senate business until her colleagues could get back to work. After finishing a bit of parliamentary business, she described what she saw in the ornate chamber.

“As we convene this morning, you look around the chamber, the presiding officer is female. All of our parliamentarians are female. Our floor managers are female. All of our pages are female.”"

The comments? "Honestly, I think it’s because as a female you are worried you’ll be judged if you don’t show up. Dudes just take for granted that they can stay home when they are sick, their kid is sick, or it’s dangerous to travel."

"There aren't many reasons to ride a BMX bicycle instead of a normal bicycle, unless you're a bit of a masochist. There are even fewer reasons to play a video game about riding a BMX bike, which is probably why Acclaim Entertainment decided they'd turn the 2002 edition of their Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX series into a parade of gratuitous nudity and fart jokes."

"Essentially, the titular character is an angel-fighting witch who uses her hair as a part of her fighting style, like she trained in a dojo that could only afford to rent space above Sweeney Todd. When Bayonetta whips her hair back and forth, she summons demons ... and, let's not kid ourselves, gamer boners."

"Sorceress (that's both her name and occupation) has to fight magical undead creatures while dealing with the severe spinal issues brought on by her ridiculously oversized gazongas. Kamitani claims that he was largely influenced by the styles of Dungeons & Dragons and Tolkien, even basing his designs on their "basic fantasy motifs." At the same time, he didn't want anyone looking at this game and mistaking it for a new Hobbit movie or something, so he "decided to exaggerate all of [his] character designs in a cartoonish fashion." He means "cartoonish" in the stereotypical Japanese sense, of course."

"David Cage, known for emotionally charged games such as Heavy Rain and Beyond: Two Souls, is under the impression that, regardless of gender, the best way to get a gamer to connect with his character is a shower scene."

"A parasite infection that turned her into some sort of mutant who breathes through her skin? Yeah, it's the last one. In fact, she can only breathe through her skin, so she must show us as much of it as possible, at all times. And when she's dancing sexily in the rain or showering in front of everyone, for some reason? She's actually drinking water, you see."

"Before Metal Gear Solid V came out, creator Hideo Kojima teased an "erotic" new character: a sniper named Quiet who says nothing and wears almost the same amount of clothing. Instead of the usual camouflage snipers normally wear in order to do their jobs and not die, Quiet is equipped with a belt, a pair of fishnets, and a tiny rag covering (some of) her breasts."

"In our culture, one of the most common and severe ways one can insult a man is to tell him that he’s acting like a girl — that he’s weak, emotional, prissy, or feminine. That kind of attitude is incredibly damaging to men and boys, holding them to a standard of culturally constructed masculinity that punishes any type of deviation. Too often, men are told that their worth depends on how well they can conform to masculine ideals, and that stereotypically “feminine” behaviors therefore devalue them.

As harmful as these standards are to men and boys, they are also detrimental to women, because they are premised on the idea that to be a woman or to be like a woman is to automatically be lesser and wrong. When women see men shaming other men for being feminine, they too are being told that femaleness is a marker of shame. Of course, it’s not only men who do this — our culture as a whole shames men who are perceived as “unmanly." This is a form of misogyny that harms everyone, male and female."

"When a woman is angry or upset, a common response is that she’s being too sensitive, hysterical, or melodramatic (or worse, that she’s “just being hormonal”). These kinds of comments invalidate and shame a woman for her emotional responses. "

"Research has shown that women tend to be interrupted more often than men, and when they do speak frequently (especially in professional situations), they’re often perceived negatively for it. “Manterrupting” may be an awkward term, but it’s a real thing. Most men probably don’t even realize they’re doing it, but when they routinely interrupt or speak over the women around them, they’re sending the message that these women don’t have the right to speak — and even worse, that what they have to say is worthless."

"How many times have all of us heard the word “pussy” used to describe someone — male or female — as weak? Or conversely, the phrase “man up” to push someone into being strong or brave? This kind of language is so deeply ingrained in our culture that a lot of people — men and women — use it all the time without thinking about its implications for gender and worth. But when we use words like these, even in jest, we’re perpetuating the cultural standard that femininity is weak, undesirable, and bad."

"if a man tells a woman that he’s concerned about the way she’s dressed on the pretense that “I’m just worried that other guys will get the wrong idea,” what he’s really doing is slut-shaming her. He's drawing attention to her (from his point of view) promiscuous clothing on the pretense that he’s trying to protect her. That’s patronizing and rude.

Men can similarly express concern about women’s health, bodies, and life choices in ways that are unintentionally condescending. If a supervisor at work tells a female employee that he’s “just really concerned about how extra work responsibilities will affect her family life,” he may honestly think that he’s doing his best to look out for her. But really, he’s passing judgment on how she should manage her family and what her role as a parent should be.

When men go out of their way to give unsolicited advice to women, they may be coming from a well-intentioned place, but the act itself suggests that they see women as needing protection, unable to make good choices, and incapable of knowing their own minds."

"“I didn’t expect a girl to be very good at this, but you’re doing great.” “Most women are terrible when it comes to [Insert task here]; you’re doing really well.” “I usually don’t work well with girls — but it’s been great working with you!” Um, thanks? The guys who make these comments probably don’t mean any harm. In fact, they’re trying to make the women they’re talking to feel good. But these kinds of backhanded compliments work by telling a woman that she’s an exception to a rule — a rule stating that women are inferior or incompetent in some way. Statements like these praise a woman even as they shame her for being female."

"...my harasser responded with dozens of pages of denials and counter-complaints, to which I was expected to respond. He belittled me, demanded access to my data sets, misrepresented evidence and argued for restrictions that would significantly detriment my career. Because of these issues and the confidential nature of the accusation, I found it nearly impossible to publish during the lengthy complaint process (which took much longer than laid out in the university’s own grievance procedures). I felt I had to excuse myself from international conferences, because I knew that he would be there. His career continued unaffected.

After almost a year and a half, his university told me that it had found in my favour. It said that he was guilty of both research misconduct and inappropriate behaviour, including sexual harassment. It did not fire him and stressed that I should keep the verdict confidential."

"In the past month alone, the issue of gender discrimination and harassment within the scientific community has been cast in an unsettling spotlight. Mashable reported on former University of Arizona astronomy professor Timothy Frederick Slater, who regularly commented on women’s bodies and once gave a student a vibrator. BuzzFeed told the story of Christian Ott, an astrophysics professor at the California Institute of Technology, who fell in love with a female graduate student and fired her because of it. Before that, we learned of the allegations against astronomer Geoff Marcy who supposedly kissed, massaged, and groped four female students."

"On Monday, the National Science Foundation doubled-down on its commitment to eradicating sexual harassment and gender-based discrimination in science with the announcement that it may terminate funding to any institution that fails to adhere to Title IX guidelines."

"You should smile more." "You wear too much makeup." "Your eyebrows are too big." "You look too mean."

When a woman is talking or angry and talking in a movie and a man kisses her. And she resists at first before melting into the kiss. So romantic.

Image of a man and woman sleeping together. He has his arm around her. Text: "There's not better feeling than laying next to the person you love. ...And they don't know you love them....Or that you're in their house."

"He left notes at my grandmother's grave." A woman talks about her experience with Greg Elliott when her mother broke up with him.

Actress speaks on movies and sex: "You can show, like, a man having an orgasm and it can still be PG-13 and you can be on his face. But if it's a woman, its R. If you're on a woman's face when she's having an orgasm--at least, that's what they told me, maybe they just don't like my face."

Disney princesses drawn breastfeeding to try to normalize how women can breastfeed wherever they want.

"Acid attack survivors- Laxmi, Chanchal, Rita and Sonam recently teamed up for a photo shoot to launch their friend Rupa's ensemble range under the label 'Rupa Designs'. Photographer Rahul Saharan talked to us about his experience of shooting these brave girls and how this project attempts to perceive beauty beyond makeup rules and synthetic cosmetics."

"Kang and Lee, who live with eight other survivors at the House of Sharing, a private facility near Seoul, have asked to speak to Abe in person. But the meeting is unlikely to happen. “Not only has Abe not apologised, but he hasn’t even tried to meet us,” Kang said. “Why doesn’t he come out and apologise? We want him to meet us face to face.”

“This deal has made us look like fools,” said Kang on Tuesday. “It was agreed without consulting us. How could they have agreed on this and pushed us to one side? I’m furious.”

“It is as if the Japanese government is waiting for us to stop speaking out and die,” Lee said.

"Around 200,000 South Korean women were forced to work in brothels as sex slaved for Japanese soldiers. Only 46 women are still alive. In December, South Korea officially accepted Japan’s apology and offer to contribute 1 billion yen ($8.3 million) to a victims’ fund, but failed to accept any legal responsibility for the program. Part of the deal requires that the issue is “irreversibly” solved."

"Two women who were forced to work as “comfort women” (read: sex slaves) for the Japanese army during World War II have publicly criticized the deal made between Japan and South Korea on their behalf."

"When we try to call out all the behaviors above, we get told we are too easily offended or being the PC police. And because this leads us to silently accept injustice rather than speak out about it, it's an insidious microaggression in of itself."

"Whether people admit it or not, they will treat people differently because they are women in social settings and in the workplace. Even women themselves do this. In one study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, STEM professors were less likely to hire a fictional candidate named Jennifer for a lab manager position than one named John, even though the applications were identical. They also offered "John" more money. This pattern existed regardless of the professor's gender. Even when presented with evidence like this, men have trouble trouble believing gender bias is real, which makes it that much harder to combat."

"Even if you're making enough money to pay the bills, you may, like Jennifer Lawrence, be making less than your male coworkers without even realizing it. Women make 77 percent of what men do for working full-time, which reflects both a lack of women in high-paying positions and a disparity in wages for the same positions."

"Women are taught that their worth lies in their looks, and if they don't have the body, face, or skin color that is considered "attractive," they are worthless. Images of women's bodies literally separated from their faces or made into household objects remind us that providing sexual pleasure is all we're good for. On top of that, we're taught that our power comes from our ability to give or deny sex — and that we need to deny it in order to preserve our value."

"Gender stereotypes have become normal and supposedly funny topics of conversation. We're supposed to laugh about how women nag their significant others or can't drive as if it's all in good fun, when really it's not because it perpetuates beliefs used as evidence for our inferiority."

"A process that most of us deal with every month has become the source of jokes, social media censorship, and dismissal of emotions. These derogatory attitudes toward menstruation lead us to believe we are disgusting and irrational."

"Mothers are shamed for breastfeeding, for not breastfeeding, for working, for not working, and for making pretty much any decision she could possibly make as a mother. People also shame women for not being mothers, concern-trolling them about how their biological clocks are ticking, as if a childless woman is incomplete. It's a lose-lose situation, whether women choose to become parents or not."

"Fat people of all genders are shamed for their size, but women especially are taught by advertisements, magazine articles, and sometimes their friends that they need to try the latest fad diet or wear "flattering" clothes (i.e. clothes that make them look thinner) or exercise to keep that body toned so their romantic partners won't lose interest."

"Both men and women interrupt women more than men, and women are subjected to so much patronizing speech that the phenomenon has a name: mansplaining, or explaining something to a woman that she already knows. Mansplainers remind us that our knowledge and expertise are considered less valuable than men's, even when we happen to know more than them."

"When we speak in traditionally "feminine" manners, we are punished for that, too. We are taught that our uptalk makes us sound uncertain, when in reality we are using it to hold the floor so nobody interrupts us. We are told that using vocal fry makes us sound like vapid Valley Girls, even when we are having intellectual conversations. Rather than teaching men to be more polite, people teach women to stop being overly polite because others will take us less seriously. But they're really taking us less seriously simply because we are women."

"When we behave assertively, particularly in the workplace, we are called bitchy, shrill, aggressive, or pushy, while men who behave in these same manners are viewed as competent leaders."

"When women are sexually assaulted or harassed, the police, the media, and the people around them tell them they must have done something to cause it. They must have been wearing too little or drinking too much"

"When we wear revealing clothing, we are instructed to be more modest, as if the amount of skin we cover reflects our moral character. And, worst of all, we are taught that our clothing choices make us vulnerable to harassment or assault, as if we dressed this way to garner that kind of attention. We are also slut-shamed for our sexual decisions: People accuse us of devaluing ourselves for making decisions that instead increase men's perceived value. They assume we are just being exploited or deceived when we enter into sexual relationships that make us happy."

"Whether we're on the street or at work, sexual harassment serves to remind us that our bodies are not truly considered our own. Rather, our society permits men to evaluate them and express their opinions at the expense of our own comfort. It also teaches us that we are not as safe to go about the world as men are, leading us to distrust others and constantly monitor our environment."

"Every day, we hear words thrown around that render us invisible, objectify us, or use our gender as an insult. When people talk about "mankind," for example, they are expressing an implicit belief that men are the most important part of humankind. When they use "p*ssy" as an insult or "castrated" as a metaphor for losing power, they are saying that being female makes you weak. When they use the pronoun "he" about someone in a stereotypically male profession of unknown gender, they are discounting the women in that profession. And when they use phrases like "suck it" as threats, they are making light of sexual violence."

"There is no excuse for rape. Ever. But we live in a rape culture where women are incessantly slut-shamed and frequently held responsible for their own rapes — or at the very least asked what they were doing/wearing/saying to provoke their attackers. The unacceptable practice of victim blaming remains common, even in an age when we are told feminism's work is complete — we're often encouraged to feel pity for a man accused of rape rather than demand justice for the victim.

And instead of making sure our young men truly understand what does and doesn't qualify as sexual consent, we more often tell our young women to not dress in revealing clothes, flirt too much, drink too much or go out alone at night. This kind of advice is not only victim-blaming — it won't actually keep anyone safe from sexual assault. Until women are no longer held even partially responsible for the actions of violent men, we will still need feminism."

"The recent war on women's reproductive rights — which includes the financial attacks on Planned Parenthood that led the House of Representatives to pass a bill attempting to freeze funding for the non-profit, as well as the extreme difficulties that many women still must cope with just to obtain birth control — may be the biggest reason yet that we still need feminism.

It is not OK that women have to jump through so many hoops to exercise their reproductive rights that the simple act of trying to get birth control pills can make women feel like they're embarking on an ancient mythological quest."

"How can anyone argue that feminism is irrelevant when women in the U.S. make an average of 78 cents to their male coworker's dollar for doing the exact same job? And that pay gap gets even larger when you look at the salaries of women of color in this country. This state of affairs isn't just ridiculous — it's also unjust."

"Women are twice as likely to suffer from anxiety and depression than men — and while this is partly the fault of biology, the societal pressures women face because of sexism and gender inequality are also a huge contributor to this awful statistic. Furthermore, since poor mental health often leads to physical health problems such as diabetes, COPD, and heart disease"

‪#‎WomenNotObjects‬ video has women talk about the ads they see. "I love sleeping with a guy who can't remember my name" she says about a picture of a woman with a sticky note on her forehead that says her name as she sleeps beside a man.

"A beautiful slave. An empty-headed housewife. A barely dressed diva with pursed lips and a designer clutch between her legs.

We'd like to say all these scenarios are made up. But the sad truth is — they aren't. Advertising and marketing industries share a long history of sexual objectification used to sell whatever product they have on their hands."

On using women in advertising: "I love sacrificing my dignity for a drink."

A woman took her daughter to a mall to buy a dress. She shares a picture of her daughter in a red dress with this text: "Dear sales lady at Dillard's Towne East Mall, 
This is my teenage daughter who wanted to try on dresses for an upcoming formal. I found this dress and asked her to try it on. She told me this was not her style, but tried it on for me. I told her how grown up it made her look and she smiled, and told me this made her look too old but still, she let me take apicture. Right after that, you entered and told my daughter she needed to wear SPANX if she wanted to wear this dress. I told my daughter to go change. I told you that she was just fine without SPANX. You continued to argue with me. We left soon after. I wish I had told you how many girls suffer from poor self image and telling them they need something to make them perfect can be very damaging. Girls of all ages, shapes and sizes are perfect because that is how God made them. If they feel good in a dress, that is all that should matter. My daughter is tall, she swims, runs, dances and does yoga. She's fit. She's beautiful. She did not need you telling her that she is not perfect. I hope this is shared and gets back to you so that you should not say something like that to a girl ever again. You never know what negative or positive thoughts they are thinking about themselves.
Sincerely,
Mother of a beautiful girl"

"Later, as we parents were watching our cake-smeared kids run around in a sugar-induced frenzy, one of the other mothers turned to me and said, "Isn't it funny that [your son] loves My Little Pony so much? I mean, he's such a boy."

Not really knowing how to answer, I said, "I don't think it's funny. It's a good show."

"Oh, sure," she said. "It's just that it's so girly."
I've been thinking a lot about this episode, along with all the other weird remarks people have made about my kid's love for all things Rainbow Dash. I've especially been thinking about them since reading sailor mercury's wonderful post Coding Like a Girl on Medium. I've also been contemplating my own internal biases about women and how I view them within existing power structures. And while I know that I'm not saying anything huge or revolutionary here, I'm still going to go ahead and put it out there: We live in a culture that simultaneously claims to embrace the equality of men and women and at the same time seriously devalues femininity."

"The message that we consistently send out is that in order to achieve any kind of significant career goals, girls need to adopt traits that are typically associated with masculinity."

"Ottawa police have released images of two men suspected of throwing a woman through a glass window and beating her unconscious in the ByWard Market in October."

"whiny cunt."

"This is am great precedent.
Free speech over but hurt pop-feminist."

"Well Vice, thanks for your "UNBIASED" opinion.

"Sets a dangerous precedence for women?"

In what way? This sets a dangerous precedence for those who think, that the law only serves their own opinions. Freedom of Speech applies to EVERYONE, not just one side of the Social Justice Warrior's mentality. Liberal or Conservaitve, black or white, male or female, everyone..........EVERYONE, is entitled to Freedom of Speech.

The issue is free speech, vs Social Justice Warrior's double standards.

And VICE, sided with the Social Justice Warriors.....what a surprise. (eye roll, if you didn't notice)"

Another comment on that Twitter harassment case: "girl who wrote this is a crybaby, just like the awful lady who files charges over tweets. get a life. get your facts straight. too bad vice publishes this feminist garbage cause its usually a pretty good site which i enjoy reading very much. if you can't handle people getting mad at you on twitter you shouldn't own a computer. the poor guy who got charged in this spent 100k on bullshit legal fees. the family is crowdfunding to help cover it. go support a good cause!"

"this feminist harassed and made a mess out of anothers life,as a female on the internet I have never felt harassed or wounded by anothers words.Anyone one remember 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'.I am sad now becuase i used to read vice alot but seeing how this website has become a mouthpiece for icky feminists guess the party is over.I will be sure to donate to this poor man's cuase maybe we can counter sue for loss of wages and mental anquish" Comment on the article of Canadas first Twitter harassment case.

"My reaction to that ruling was 'Great, it's open season on women now,'" Ontario NDP MPP Cheri DiNovo told VICE. "You can say whatever you will about whatever woman you want, it's just freedom of expression."

"Meanwhile, Reilly was "concerned" because of extensive and misogynistic tweets from Elliott, and because he tweeted about the scene at the Cadillac Lounge, a popular bar in Toronto's Parkdale neighbourhood, on a night when she was there."

"For background: Guthrie told police she felt harassed after several heated interactions with Elliott in the summer of 2012. Even after she blocked him, he continued to barrage her with tweets, and made it clear he had detailed knowledge of the neighbourhood she lived in. He would also co-opt hashtags she invented, aggressively inserting himself into conversations about her organization Women in Toronto Politics."

"Judge Brent Knazan found Gregory Alan Elliott not guilty of criminally harassing Toronto feminists Steph Guthrie and Heather Reilly. To many observers, Knazan's decision illustrated that the legal system does not fully understand violence against women nor the basic ways in which Canadians function online."

"In a precedent-setting move, the Ontario Court of Justice decided that harassing women online is not a crime."

"The internet just became an even uglier place for Canadian women."

More from the Bachelor: "Another episode highlight was how the twins Emily and Hayley were finally dealt with. Smart minds speculated Ben would be forced to take them on a two-on-one, after which he would have to eliminate one of them, but, forced with the prospect of picking between two sisters, would send them both home. In a twist, Ben actually made the tough pick; after a bizarrely uncomfortable visit to their childhood home in Las Vegas to meet their mother, he kept Emily (the more confident twin, we learned) and left Hayley to cry with her mom and very fat dachshund."

From the Bachelor: "That’s basically a lead up to the real drama of the episode, which was Olivia’s freak-out after she decided to wear a showgirl costume to perform in front of Ben and 12,000 randos people in Las Vegas. Of course, the question is: did she decide, or was Olivia—like all the women with their “talents”—encouraged to embarrass herself in this particular way, down to the readily available showgirl outfit and cake she popped out of?"

“Let’s not forget that he’s actually a misogynist.”
Daniel Craig saying the James Bond character he has played four times should not be a role model for men (via cinematogeek

"I watched a girl on the train applying make-up this morning. But once she'd finished I found her less attractive. It's a shame more women don't embrace their natural beauty as it often outshines the false looks promoted on the media."

"That’s where my mommy works!” My 8-year-old son was on the school bus and blurted that out as we passed one of the clubs where I was dancing. His teacher overheard him and called me in for a meeting the next day. She told me “these things” shouldn’t be discussed and that she didn’t want the parents to know about it. I was angry as all hell. I didn’t think my work was a bad thing and never made it out to be a bad thing to my son either. I was a young mom paying my bills! And it was better than social assistance. Even though I was mad, I was taken by surprise and and didn’t know what to say."

"All three women had refrained from filing a complaint for fear that it would be useless, or that they might become targets of retribution."

"Tennessee’s House Majority Whip Jeremy Durham has resigned from his leadership position after The Tennessean reported that he had sent inappropriate text messages to several female employees.

Three women agreed to share the text messages with the newspaper under the condition of anonymity. One woman in her 20s received repeated late-night text messages from Durham, in which he told her he missed her and asked for pictures."

Zaptek Stun Guns and Lasers was questioned on their comment, when a woman says "Did you just suggest I get raped?"
Reply: "You mean again? Because you have obviously had some head trauma with that hair cut."

Zaptek Stun Guns and Lasers replied to a woman's comment with: "I don't give two shits of a fuck about some snot nosed dork who tries blasting our pitch. You other girls can get forcibly cream stuffed. You don't wanna protect yourself, oh well Statistic you will be."

"Sofia Vergara is suing the beauty brand Venus Concept for $15 million, claiming they’ve been featuring her in ads and promotional material without her approval."

A friend writes: "Had a very aggressive man come up to me on the train sexually harassing me. Nasty stuff. Really in my face and ranting. A lot of people watched and a guy sitting down from me came to my defense and got the dude to leave me alone. I am grateful he helped me. I thanked him. He is my hero today."