Friday, January 29, 2016

Day 27: Bitch. Bimbo. Blonde.

“You pointed out every time I looked like I had gained weight. So I started eating less every day. You pointed out every single flaw I had. So I lost every bit of confidence I had.
I did everything I could to be what you wanted. I did everything you told me to do. It still wasn’t good enough. You left me for a younger prettier girl. Someone you could mold and shape into what you wanted. Like you tried to do with me. And up until a few months ago I blamed myself for everything that happened. You blamed me too."

“You would always point out if I was wearing too much makeup. (Winged eyeliner and mascara most of the time) So I just stopped wearing it. You told me tattoos and piercings were tacky and ugly. And would try to take out my belly button ring every time you saw it. So I took out my piercings and didn’t get any more tattoos.
You pointed out my stretch marks every chance you got. So I did my best to keep them hidden.”

“You always told me I didn’t look good with long hair and that you preferred girls with short hair. So I kept my hair cut above my shoulders at all times. You laughed at me and told me I looked ridiculous when I dyed my hair red when we were together. So a week later I dyed it back blonde.”


A white male leader of Arizona’s Maricopa County NAACP chapter is in hot water because of his appreciation for a local news reporter’s “tits.”

A male journalist points out two female politicians are wearing the same thing and counts this as news.

A Vocativ analysis of 80,000 tweets directed at Kelly's Twitter handle from Tuesday (when Trump announced his decision) through Wednesday morning found a torrent of misogynist hate. Most of the haters appeared to be on "Team Trump," according to Vocativ. The top results: Bitch, Bimbo, Blonde. With Whore and Cheap coming up the rear.

"In the latest batch of films — "The Princess and the Frog," "Tangled," "Brave," and "Frozen" — the pattern is finally reversed. For the first time, women are more likely to be praised for their skills or achievements than for their looks. On average in these films, 40 percent of compliments directed at women involve their abilities or accomplishments, while only 22 percent involve physical appearances."

"In the classic three Disney princess films, women speak as much as, or more than the men. “Snow White” is about 50-50. “Cinderella” is 60-40. And in “Sleeping Beauty,” women deliver a whopping 71 percent of the dialogue. Though these were films created over 50 years ago, they give ample opportunity for women to have their voices heard.
By contrast, all of the princess movies from 1989-1999 — Disney’s “Renaissance” era — are startlingly male-dominated. Men speak 68 percent of the time in “The Little Mermaid”; 71 percent of the time in “Beauty and the Beast”; 90 percent of the time in “Aladdin”; 76 percent of the time in “Pocahontas”; and 77 percent of the time in “Mulan” (Mulan herself was counted as a woman, even when she was impersonating a man)."

"And it started a trend. The plot of "The Little Mermaid," of course, involves Ariel literally losing her voice — but in the five Disney princess movies that followed, the women speak even less. On average in those films, men have three times as many lines as women."

"Then there’s “La Guitarra,” a Puerto Rican “chica” from the south who is “dangerously curvy.” This “Boricua mami” is recognized for a few things: a guitar-shaped body with a “thick, shapely butt” that’s thicker than the “Brazilian-American bombshell,” but she often gets a “boob job to balance things out.” Unlike many Latinas,” Bovino writes, La Guitarra is “no visa-hunter” (like he for real said that). While her promiscuity level is a 5.5, she’s known for wanting “sex as much or more than her man does.” La Guitarra shouldn’t be mistaken with “Nuyoricans,” those Puerto Rican women from the Northeast. While she, too, has a “big, protruding butt,” she’s “uneducated and poor,” has a promiscuity rate of 9, has children out of wedlock and goes after baby daddies “for child support until she gets it or they repo his ride.”

El estúpido goes on to describe cubanas as “transformers,” because he says they go from a “Latin Jessica Rabbit” to “Kristie Alley” with too much food and kids, Dominicans, “Cinnamon Swirl,” as “stubborn and close-minded,” Salvadoran women, “pupusas,” as “bitchy,” and on and on with the racist misogyny."

"There’s the “Taco Belle,” Mexican Americans, who he describes as having “large or medium-sized breasts and a wide butt that’s flat at the top and round at the bottom,” adding that she’s “often out of shape because exercise is less emphasized in Mexican culture.” According to this bro, mexicanas are also “not particularly ambitious or well-educated because she doesn’t want career to interfere with family.” Her promiscuity level is rated a six on a scale from one to 10." 

Client today referred to my coworker's physiotherapy as "her witchy ways."

"Hide your arms, they're a problem." 
"You're too old to be sleeveless."
"Big girls shouldn't wear prints."
"Your shoulders are too broad to wear halters."
"Put the girls away!"
"You're too wide for sparkles."
"Don't you think that's a little too tight for a woman your age?"
"You should only show your stomach when you have the body for it." 

"Rich snob starts berating young mom who couldn't afford to buy Birthday cake for son"

Speaking of Chipotle: "The Cincinnati Enquirer reports that three former female managers have filed a discrimination suit against the chain in federal court. The lawsuit claims that the three women were routinely discriminated against by a male supervisor despite high evaluations. According to the lawsuit, Herman Mobbs, the former Cincinnati area manager told one of the plaintiffs that “there sure are a lot of overweight women working here.” On another occasion, he told one of the women, “you’re too emotional.”"

"I don't know how to articulate this so it gets through, but every guy you know — every guy — is a different guy when he's around us. You are, too. It's not always a negative difference. Some of you are more empathetic. Some are funnier. Most of you are more charming.
But some of you are not good to us. Some of your best buddies do not have our best interests in their minds. And you'd never know it. How would you? You have no access into our otherworld. Some of you are very bad to us. Some have hurt us. Some have used us. We've seen sides of your good ol' pals you will never see or experience, ever. Simply because we're women. That's it."


"In the otherworld — and let's imagine a filter on this world, just to drill in how visceral this is for us. Let's imagine the otherworld is a bit darker, a bit sharper, and a bit louder. Okay.
In the otherworld, we go out, we see buddies. Yay! But we also see the bouncer who leered at us during that show last week.
Oh no, _____ is here. He gets touchy when he's drunk.
Oh, there's _______. He was a good friend until last month when he bought us five shots, drove us home and tried to sleep with us. We had to say no three times.
And there's everyone's best pal, good ol' _______, who has sexually assaulted at least four of our friends — and a few we don't know but have heard about. Nobody talks about it because it's "awkward" and "gossipy." He just said hi, we blanked and said hi back.
We go to the bar. We get a drink and then casually protect it. Is that our ex who tried to choke us out four years ago? Oh phew. It's someone else.
Deep breaths, everyone is having such a good time, don't make it weird. Oh, there's _______, she's great. Let's go talk to her."

"Let's call it an "otherworld."
It's the world every woman in our community is relegated to. We didn't choose it and we don't enjoy it, but here we are."

"Sarah Adams recently wrote a Facebook post lamenting the culture of acceptance when it comes to sexual harassment and sexual assault."

"A new study published in psychology journal Law and Human Behavior concluded that anger in women causes them to have less influence over people, while anger in men causes them to have more influence over people. In other words, we fundamentally distrust angry women, while trusting the viewpoints of angry men to the point that we will doubt our own ideas to agree with them."

"Female oppression is having to claim physical illness to avoid sex because men won't take a simple fucking 'no' for an answer. Female oppression is men beign so entitled that they think being denied sex is oppressive."

"Female privilege is getting to claim a headache to avoid sex."

Letter to women in the early stages of Disney (30's and 40's) tell women not to apply for creative jobs, but if they really want to work there, they can be tracers. Or inkers

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee hasn’t yet aired its first episode — that’ll be on February 8th — but Bee knows what sort of response to expect. She’s already begun to make her own characteristically dark jokes about it. She’s set up a hotline for rape threats (it’s 1-844-4-TROLLZ), featuring a deadpan automated response: “No one is here to take your call, but your offer of nonconsensual sex is important to us.

"He walked up to me and my boyfriend after my set, who is also a Comedian, pointed at me and said to my boyfriend, "I guess I'm not going to be Fucking her tonight huh?"

"I ran into a teacher at a show and I was wearing shorts with fishnet stockings. He looked at me up and down and said "what's with the naughty outfit?" It made me so uncomfortable but I just looked him in the eyes and said "this is what I like to wear" and walked away."

"A man started an improv scene with me by placing his head on my breast. He then hugged me a bunch and eventually implied I was his prostitute and said I needed to leave before his wife got home.
After the scene, he humorously commented, 'I'm glad my wife didn't see that', as if that would make me feel anything but gross. He was gross.
The whole class saw it. I talked about it with my friends later. It was the sort of situation where I wasn't sure what to do at the time but afterward realized that I should have stopped the scene. I hadn't felt threatened, per se, but I was uncomfortable, and there is no reason to force myself to be okay with such a shitty situation.
The (female) teacher of the class drew me aside later and asked if I was okay. She said that that happens to women in comedy a lot, but that doesn't make it okay. She said to always feel free to stop a scene midway through if ever uncomfortable. I really appreciated that.
A week later he realized I was acting coldly toward him. He indicated to my friends and me that he was confused why I would be mad at him. They attempted to explain the situation to him. Eventually he apologized, but I could tell he still didn't think he owed me an apology, so I said 'Do not ever do that to a woman again' and did not hug him when he tried to hug me after his 'apology'.
This Perpetrator was a Classmate.
This happened in Class."

"Several years ago, I was the only woman in a 4-person sketch class. One day our regular teacher was out, and we had a sub. One of the guys' sketches had a bunch of rape jokes in it. Each rape joke was said by the male protagonist, mocking a female victim. And in critique, I told the writer that they weren't working, largely because they weren't surprising. I added, "There's nothing unexpected about that. Worrying about getting raped is part of my every day. It's status quo." And they all (including the sub, who was a friend of mine!) LAUGHED and said, "That's what makes it funny.""

A woman talks on mat leave in the restaurant industry. "A friend of mine, I’ll call her Elena, worked for many years for one of New York’s top restaurants, rising over time to the position of maitre d’ — a very huge deal (monumentally huge, actually) for a woman in the hospitality industry. After six years, she learned she was pregnant, and worked all the way through to her delivery date, in her final month scaling back what had previously been a 60-hour-a-week job to 50 hours, before taking an agreed-upon ten weeks of unpaid leave. Just before the end of those ten weeks, she found out — via a customer — that in her absence, the restaurant had given her position, permanently, to someone else.
Devastated, Elena confronted her boss, and was offered a position instead running the restaurant group’s casual offshoot, a major demotion for an employee of her stature. “I found out through a customer after being there six-and-a-half-years,” she told me."

A woman comments on the convention she's at: "Gonna hide in here a bunch of today. Not only am I the only woman at this function but uhhhhh it's a goddamn middle aged white man's sausage fest over here."

A photographer speaks of his most controversial photos: "Recently we became parents as our little Kael was dropped into our hands screaming and crying. As parents we've been thrust into a crazy new world filled with unexpected insane challenges and some curious human behavior.
I would never imagine the two photos that would cause me the biggest grief are the ones of my pregnant wife and the photo of her breastfeeding our child. It boggles my mind to think THIS is what finally caused people to be so upset with me.
I've received a fair share of messages I won't post here. I've heard of people contacting my family members letting them know how appalled they are by these images.
"OMG Camille is NAKED! He's showing off his wife! OMG He's showing off your grandson while he feeds. That's incredibly rude! THOSE PHOTOS SHOULD BE PRIVATE!" – This is really my interpretation of your reactions"

"Wife selling in England was a way of ending an unsatisfactory marriage by mutual agreement that probably began in the late 17th century, when divorce was a practical impossibility for all but the very wealthiest. After parading his wife with a halter around her neck, arm, or waist, a husband would publicly auction her to the highest bidder." From Wikipedia

"These eight words show how social conditions leave their mark on the language. The process of pejoration may take place below the level of consciousness, but in historical perspective, the direction of travel is obvious. Have the achievements of the feminist movement percolated down through the many layers of our language? The Oxford Dictionaries controversy suggests not. Can the words we use to describe women avoid the fate of hussy, mistress and courtesan? There’s hope, but only time will tell."

"Tart
Collins dictionary says that this is a 19th-century contraction of “sweetheart”, a term of endearment, particularly to women. From 1887, however, it is attested as meaning “a female of immoral character; a prostitute”."

"Wench
A 13th-century word meaning a female infant or a young unmarried woman quickly acquired negative connotations: from the late 14th century, in Langland and Chaucer it is used to mean “a wanton woman; a mistress”."

"Courtesan
One of the most dramatic shifts in meaning, from the female equivalent of “courtier” – someone who attends the court of a monarch – to a form of prostitute, which is now its only meaning."

"Spinster
This occupational term originally meant simply someone, usually a woman but possibly a man, who spun yarn or thread. Since a woman without a husband might have to rely on spinning as a source of income, the term became associated with unmarried women, eventually becoming the legal way to refer to one. The more loaded use of it to refer to “a woman still unmarried; esp. one beyond the usual age for marriage, an old maid” begins in the early 18th century"

"Governess
From the 15th century onwards, “a woman who holds or exercises authority over a place, institution, or group of people”. Compare it with “governor”. Over time it drastically narrowed in scope and fell in status, coming to mean “a woman responsible for the care, supervision, or direction of a person, typically a child or young lady”.

"Madam
The female equivalent of “sir”, a woman of high rank, is still used in formal contexts as a mode of address. From the late 18th century it was also used to mean “a conceited or precocious girl or young woman; a hussy, a minx”, alternatively, a kept mistress or prostitute, and finally, from the late 19th century, the female manager of a brothel. "

"Hussy
This once neutral term meant the female head of a household. Hussy is a contraction of 13th-century husewif – a word cognate with modern “housewife”. From the 17th century onwards, however, it began to mean “a disreputable woman of improper behaviour”. That’s now its only meaning."

"Mistress
The female equivalent of “master”, and thus, “a woman having control or authority” – in particular one who employs servants or attendants. It came into English with this meaning from French after the Norman conquest. From the 17th century onwards, it was used to mean “a woman other than his wife with whom a man has a long-lasting sexual relationship”."

"We’ve come a long way from Disney princesses of the early years: soft-spoken, beautiful, submissive characters always waiting for their prince. But new research reveals a disturbing trend among Disney female characters today: Even when they have the starring role, female characters speak less than male characters— meaning female characters speak far less than they did in the films of the 1930s and ’50s. [Quartz]"

“Politicians talk about it when it’s trending in the news. And then they move on… They can’t be an equally successful parent if they are afraid of their partner. They can’t be successful at their job if they’re having PTSD. All of these boil down to an equal-rights issue.”

A woman posts a photo of herself in a bikini, she's a fitness instructor. The photo shows she's not ideal by beauty standards but she's just a person and wants women to feel they can be just women.

"A similar scandal recently rocked academia as people became aware of the months-old online writings of Allen J. Frantzen, a retired professor of Medieval Studies. Frantzen’s ire seems to revolve around what he feels is an atmosphere of “compulsory feminism” in academia. He writes about a “feminist fog,” or “femfog” for short, “the sour mix of victimization and privilege that makes up modern feminism and that feminists use to intimidate and exploit men.”

"A few articles have been making the internet rounds recently about horrifying discoveries that seemingly normal men were actually part of the “manosphere,” a series of loosely connected vitriolic websites targeting (mostly white, straight, cis) men who inexplicably feel disenfranchised. Last week’s cover story on The Cut, “From Pickup Artist to Pariah,” tells the story of how the town of Asheville, North Carolina, turned against local coffee shop owner Jared Rutledge when they discovered “Holistic Game,” a website on which Rutledge wrote things like, “Intersectional feminist? How about I intersect my DICK with your PUSSY” and, “There are few things that give me more sadistic pleasure than witnessing the ever-increasing neuroses of a woman hitting the wall.”"

"Driving my son to preschool last week, I found myself stuck in traffic behind a beat-up Toyota Camry with taped-over taillights and a charmingly askew bumper sticker that read “NO FAT CHICKS—CAR WILL SCRAPE.”"

Jennifer Lawrence's response to being called a brat: “Even after I wrote it, I don’t remember the website, but they called it ‘Jennifer Lawrence’s bratty display.’ And I was like, ‘Thank you for completely making my point.’ If a woman speaks up, is assertive and has a voice, she’s going to be called ‘a brat.’ I don’t see a man being called ‘a brat.'”

Jennifer Lawrence wrote an essay on the gender pay gap in Hollywood. However, one publication called her essay “bratty,” reducing her thoughtful position on Hollywood’s gender inequality issues to a childish tantrum.

"The obvious truth is, every woman is “not like other women”, because women are human beings and human beings are all unique. I was striving to not seem “fake,” but ended up being extremely phony in the process. And worst of all, I was acting as if “girly” was a horrible thing to be. I had allowed internalized misogyny to color my opinion of femininity and of myself."

From Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl: “Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl."

"I soon decided I wanted to be the girl that was “just one of the guys.” I began to strive to be perceived as “a guy in a hot girl’s body” (I realize in retrospect that saying this as a cis woman was insensitive to trans people, since I’m happy identifying as a woman.) I wanted to make sure that I was acting as “genuine” as possible. I wanted to be the woman who had a hearty appetite but a typically “attractive” figure, who wasn’t afraid to talk about bodily functions and who would never get offended by anyone’s harsh jokes."

"When I was in high school, I believed that an hourglass figure was the epitome of womanhood. This of course, is not true, but at the time I was unsatisfied with my narrow hips. I made up for a self-perceived lack of a “womanly body” by acting in a way that many would falsely categorize as “girly.”"

"Buzzfeed uncovered further gendered definitions, with usage for the word “nurse” including “he was gradually nursed back to health”, and “she nursed at the hospital for 30 years”, while examples of usage for doctor all used the male pronoun."

"“Why does the Oxford Dictionary of English portray women as ‘rabid feminists’ with mysterious ‘psyches’ speaking in ‘shrill voices’ who can’t do research or hold a PhD but can do ‘all the housework’?” wrote the academic on Medium. “As the Oxford Dictionary says in the usage example for ‘sexism’: ‘sexism in language is an offensive reminder of the way the culture sees women’. Shouldn’t the usage examples in this dictionary reflect that understanding of sexism in language?”"

"An example sentence given for “housework” was “she still does all the housework”, while a sentence using the word “research” was illustrated with the sentence “he prefaces his study with a useful summary of his own researches”."

"Oxford Dictionaries has said it will review the example sentences it uses for the adjective “rabid” after being accused of sexism over its current example: “a rabid feminist”."

"I remember clearly as I was walking down the street at the tender age of thirteen and this middle aged man called me from his truck to come over and made obscene sexual gestures at me. It was only when I yelled back that I was only thirteen and that I could be his daughter that he realized what he was doing and I will always remember the look of shock in his face. We need to speak up. We need to stop tolerating this type of harassment."

"Feminism rots your brain!"

"so your telling me if I tell a women I was admiring her walking down the street, I thinks she's beautiful, can I take you out? I deserve to be told I'm talking to her like I want to rape her and get a confetti gun to the face?"

"Guys like to say gross and perverted things under their breath and when we confront them they give the bullshit excuse of "I was just saying you're pretty" when they were actually being pigs."

"When I walked down the street, I oftentimes got cat calls. This made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Most importantly, I feel like my right was violated. Isn't everyone deserved to feel safe wherever they go?"

"a little bit extreme? A guy just saying he thought that someone who walked past his age was pretty, is not sexual harassment!"

Las hijas de Violencia.

The women policing street harassment in Mexico have a great line to one of their songs: "You talk to me like you're going to rape me."

In Mexico, a group of women are shooting street harassers with a confetti gun and then singing punk music at them. It's pretty awesome. They say "We know we're not going to change the world. But we sure know we changed ours."

"In a 2011 Australian survey on bystander action, less than half of respondents (47.6%) who witnessed violence against women reported “either saying or doing something in response, or taking some other form of action.” It’s horrible to consider how few of us are willing to help women who are threatened with assault (sexual or otherwise)."

"At 9:00 p.m. last Thursday, according to the Washington Post, "an 18-year-old woman and her 39-year-old father decided to drink beer together near a handball court at a playground residents say usually is quiet and empty at night. The woman told investigators that a group of teenagers approached the pair in the park and one of them pulled out a handgun and ordered the father to leave. The father, who didn’t have a cell phone, claimed that he wandered around for several minutes in a futile attempt to get help before he flagged down two police officers." All five of the teenage boys are now in police custody.
Much of the coverage of this incident on feminist sites such as Jezebel focuses on the deli clerk who refused to call 911 on behalf of the father. The deli clerk claims that the father appeared drunk — and so the manager dismissed him from the deli, out into the night. His turning away from this distress is unconscionable: When someone asks to call the cops, you let them — and if you truly fear for your safety, you offer to do it for them. You don't take a chance. If the deli owner had called 911, law enforcement may have arrived sooner. So much of the damage was preventable."

"So many victims of rape and sexual violence are left behind: by a slow-moving criminal justice system, by communities who don't believe their stories. Horror compounds horror."


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